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| Can you mourn for someone you never met?
28 years ago today, my Aunt Cindy died. She was a senior in high school. That was 7 years before I was born.
I found myself thinking about her yesterday. I don't know why I was thinking about her, I just started wondering who she was. What she was like. What life would be like if she were still alive. How our family would change.
And then today I found out that it was the anniversary of her death.
And now I'm really sad.
Sad for the fact that she had to die so young. Sad for the horrible loss my mom, aunts, uncles, grandparents had to face. Sad for the life lost. Sad that I never met her.
Uncle Bobby said I am a lot like her. How? In what ways? I am, in a way named after her. My middle name was her middle name. I carry the legacy of a woman I never knew.
I'm sitting here writing this, holding back on my tears. I don't want people to ask why I'm upset. How can I explain that I'm sad because my aunt who I never met died today? I feel kind of silly.
And I hate that I feel silly about it.
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| Ugh... some awful conversations tonight.
Delaney and I were looking at pictures...
Delaney: Where are your friends?
Me: Well, I'm friends with everyone in that picture.
Delaney: With all of those people?
Me: Yeah, I'm friends with lots of people.
Delaney: But not any Mexicans, right?
I tried to tell her it was okay to be friends with someone who is Mexican. She said they "talk funny." I tried to explain to her that Spanish is a wonderful language and we can learn a lot from people who speak it. But she didn't understand. How could she?
Later on there was another conversation (I cannot remember the exact words used) and Delaney said something else about Mexicans being "bad."
How do I explain racism to a five year old?
I am so sad that she makes statements like this. And she's in freaking kindergarten.
And I can't do anything to fix it because she hears it all the time at home.
I love my family, I really do.
But they're worse than the "stupid Mexicans" they seem to know so much about.
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| I've been trying to write this paper since like 9:00 this morning.
I have written a page and a half.
UUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.
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| So many people are getting jobs and I haven't had so much as an interview.
I've applied at 3 hospitals.
All of them turned me down based on my application.
I guess I'm just not very marketable.
Damnit.
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| I think every girl needs to see He's just not that into you.
It was frickin fantastic.
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